“Lastly, you need to CONSCIOUSLY cut down on your interactions with this person. I always tell my clients to have an open conversation about this attraction with the person in question.

“The conversation could go like this: ‘Hey T, I wanted to discuss something really important with you. I have realised that I am attracted to you in a way that I feel threatens my relationship with my partner.

“It has got nothing to do with you, but I have decided to cut down on our interactions because I value my relationship. Can you please support me with this?’ You are not asking for approval, you are being a good friend.”

What if another woman, maybe a colleague at work, is fiercely attracted to you even though they know you have a partner?

“If a woman is coming unto a man strongly despite his warnings, it is one of two things. First, he is seriously telling her off with his words, and acting the exact opposite with his actions, essentially giving her the ‘green light’ with his behaviour.

“She would of course feel he is simply saying what he thinks is right but still wants her anyway or secondly, he is not saying it firmly enough, he is still trying to be nice about it and not hurt the woman’s feelings instead of putting the feelings of his partner first, because he does not fully understand that this person is a threat to his relationship, or he understands but does not value his relationship.

“A man who values a relationship will find a way to remove every threat to it. The problem is some men want to flirt, see how it goes, or just plain think they would never get caught. I say nip it in the bud… again, if you value your relationship.”

On the necessity, importance of talking about it with the other woman

“If th other woman is not listening to reason, still trying to force the situation… If I were in such a man’s shoes, I would call my wife in front of that colleague and put her on speaker…then tell the colleague exactly what I have told my wife about her.

“That should immediately set her straight. I heard of a boss who a young lady was trying to seduce. He brought his wife to work to fire the lady in the open. That was a warning to everyone who has ever set foot in that office.

“If there is one thing we can all agree on, when there is a will, we will find a way.”

Why it is absolutely compulsory to get your partner involved

Of course open and honest communication is important in a relationship but with many, especially men, there is a fear that sharing something like this may be considered too much information.

Many men worry that their partner may not understand and may start becoming suspicious and all, so they retain certain reservations about whether to share this sensitive information or not.

For Dr. Sam, there can be no two ways to handling the situation than to be absolutely, absolutely open with one’s partner.

“Of course you tell your partner about the struggle and let her fight it with you. This is not up for debate. If you understand the word PARTNER, it should tell you that you carry your burdens together,” he says.

He further adds:

“Open and honest communication is not important in relationships, it is the key to relationships. Most people assume a relationship entails two people sharing jokes, sleeping together and going out on dates.

“To fully connect with someone, you have to take off your emotional and mental clothes. This you cannot do without honest communication. It is like having sex with your clothes on, or some of it. The intimacy is not complete.

“There is nothing to hide if you will do everything to cut off that threat to your relationship. There is nothing to be afraid of, if you have earned your woman’s trust over time by consistently being faithful.

“Why would she be suspicious if you have an open relationship? You are not deleting chats and keep unexplained late nights, you are not hiding certain things from her, why would she be suspicious?

“I have been married for 5 years and I tell my wife every single thing. She knows how much I value my marriage because I have consistently shown her. I have earned that trust. So I am speaking from experience. Unless I change something in the future, it will remain that way too.”